We've finally reached the next milestone in our surrogacy sibling journey - legal clearance! So...what does this mean?
In a surrogacy journey, both the intended parents and the surrogate are represented by lawyers. The intended parents' lawyer draw up a contract which is then reviewed by the surrogate's lawyer, with revisions and negotations taking place until both parties are satisfied that the contract represents their wishes and appropriately protects them.
You are your surrogate are friends - why do you need a legal contract?
We are friends - but that doesn't negate the need for a contract. Surrogacy involves a lot of moving parts - precious embryos, financial reimbursements, clear communication, and risk for everyone involved. Having a contract helps set clear expectations for everyone, reminds us of our responsibilities to one another, and outlines how our local laws guide our actions. Beyond this, all fertility clinics in Canada (where I'm located) require a contract to be completed and a lawyer's letter to be submitted to the clinic prior to an embryo transfer.
Was it awkward involving lawyers in your relationship?
Not at all! Don't think of this as some dramatic episode of Suits, because it isn't.
While our lawyers are incredibly professional and excellent at what they do, they're also friendly and great advocates for surrogates and intended parents alike. My lawyer Sara Cohen from Fertility Law Canada is a total pleasure to work with and has even met my daughter. Lisa Feldstein from Family Health Law, Ashley's lawyer, is another incredible advocate who I regularly run into at fertility events. Both Sara and Lisa have guided us through contracts twice now with ease, helping us feel prepared and excited for what's ahead.
So...what's in the contract?
I'll spare specific details, but some topic areas covered by our contract include:
Number of transfers
Expectations around reimbursements during the contract (not compensation, which is illegal in Canada)
What would happen in the event of Ashley having a medical emergency
What we can each share publicly about our journey and when
Where we can travel during the pregnancy
High-risk activities that Ashley can/cannot participate in while pregnant
Requirements for abstaining from intercourse around a transfer day
Did you use the same contract as during your first journey?
While many elements of our contract remained the same, we did draw up a new legal contract. Both of our lawyers are constantly honing their craft, learning from law conferences, continuing education, new cases that pop up, and through their own personal experiences. As a result, each contract that they draft/review builds upon what they've learned. It's been a few years since our last contract, and so new elements have been added that best reflect the needs of intended parents and surrogates today. (Plus, we had some small changes we needed reflected too!)
What's next?
The order of milestone in a surrogacy journey is typically:
Match
Medical screening
Legal screening
Transfer
Next up will be our FET (frozen embryo transfer)! This will be an exciting (and anxious) time for all of us, but we're excited to share it all just like we did on our first journey.
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