My Path to Grandparenthood by Surrogacy

This guest blog was contributed by Lou Ann, a grandparent by surrogacy and mother to MRKH mom by surrogacy Brianna Gill (@growingthegills).

The Day Everything Changed

In 2010, when our daughter Bria was 16, our world shifted.
She was diagnosed with MRKH — Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser Syndrome — and we learned she was born without a uterus. We had never heard of MRKH before. I remember naively asking the doctor, “So Bria will never be able to get pregnant?” Not every 16-year-old thinks about motherhood, but Bria always knew she wanted children. As her mom, I needed to take a moment to process her diagnosis. I had so many questions and the first thing that came to mind was how did this happen.

There was an element of guilt. Was it something I did during my pregnancy that caused this? I even felt guilty that I could get pregnant and that I always spoke about how much I loved my pregnancies. I had to grieve the diagnosis and grieve the future pain that I knew Bria would endure. I did this privately as I didn’t want Bria to see me upset. I wanted to maintain my “everything will be ok attitude” in front of our girls, but a piece of my heart was broken.

As parents, we want our children to learn how to deal with situations while we remain behind the scenes to catch them if they fall and fix things as best as we can. This was something I could not fix. I had to learn to let go, to trust that somehow, things would work out.

Brianna, Lou Ann, and baby Marley

Step One: Educate Ourselves

I believe knowledge is power and I wanted to know everything about MRKH and what options Bria would have in the future to start her family. We discovered some mention of uterine transplants, surrogacy, and adoption — all of which gave me hope.

Through a recommendation, we met the wonderful Dr. Lisa Allen, a gynaecologist in Toronto. Now I felt reassured that we had medical checkups covered and Bria started her visits with Dr. Allen. We live in Peterborough, so these visits were a day trip to Toronto for us. I always took the day off work so that I could be there for Bria. Sometimes we’d shop afterward, sometimes we’d drive home quietly — but we always did it together.

Step Two: Follow Bria’s Lead

Bria chose not to tell her friends about her diagnosis. She confided only in her boyfriend, Josh, whose quiet strength and support meant everything. We followed her lead completely.

Bria was very involved in sports year round and in a tough International Baccalaureate academic program. She decided that she did not want to deal with her MRKH diagnosis at this point in her life. We followed her lead on this and supported her decision 100%. We didn’t want MRKH to steal those years from Bria, so we carried on privately — loving, supporting, and waiting for her to decide when to speak.

Step Three: Speaking Out and Finding Community

Fast forward to 2018 when Bria and Josh got married. Naturally, people began asking when they’d start a family. Those questions, though well-meaning, stung deeply. We smiled politely and hid our heartbreak.

Then, in 2021, everything changed again. Bria decided she was done being quiet. She told her friends and family about her MRKH diagnosis — and then she did something incredible. She started an Instagram account: @growingthegills (Gill being her married name).

That decision changed everything.
She began sharing her fertility journey, connecting with others, and breaking down the stigma around MRKH and fertility. Through her openness, she found the most supportive, incredible community that lifted her up — and in turn, she lifted countless others. She has made friendships that will last a lifetime.

For all of us, talking about it was deeply healing. No longer did we feel the need to put on that brave face and keep quiet. We could be honest, real, and hopeful.

Step Four: The Journey to Baby Marley

We needed every ounce of that support for what came next.
Bria’s road to motherhood was long and hard — four egg retrievals, two surrogates, and seven failed embryo transfers. There were so many highs and so many devastating lows. Each time, we had to remind ourselves that hope was still worth holding onto and I found strength and resilience to carry on supporting Bria and Josh. I really had to lean into my positive attitude telling myself that things will all work out. This is my coping mechanism, my way to turn off all the sadness and try to manifest a brighter future. I also chose to focus on how proud I was once again of Bria for being so brave, despite hitting rock-bottom several times. She was never willing to give up nor was my support for her.

Finally, on the eighth transfer, everything aligned.
In August 2024, our beautiful granddaughter Marley was born — Bria’s own biological daughter, carried by their amazing surrogate. In that moment, everything came full circle. I thought back to the day I told Bria about her MRKH — and now, here she was, holding her daughter. My broken mama heart was healing.

What I’ve Learned Along the Way

1. Start a fertility fund early.

If your daughter might one day want to build a family, know that fertility treatments are expensive. Financial planning ahead can help ease future stress.

2. Take care of yourself.

It is so important to take care of yourself so you can be there to support your daughter. Self-care could involve talking to a close friend or a therapist, joining an exercise program or club. For me, I was missing joy in my every day life. Through Bria, I saw the power of social media, so I started an account for our dog Ruby Sue. I made a pledge to myself to post a reel once a day, every day for a year. This gave me purpose, provided a break from fertility struggles and I looked forward to doing this every day. I also met a wonderful community within this group of dog-loving people.

3. Have something to look forward to.

I believe, especially when times are tough, you need to have something fun to look forward to. It can be getting together with a friend, game night or a day trip for example. After Bria’s seventh failed transfer, fall 2023, I said to Bria and her sister that we need to have a girls trip. We planned a girls’ trip to Italy the following spring. Having that trip on the horizon kept us hopeful and connected.

4. Embrace the power of social media.

When Bria was 16 we did not have social media like there is today. Whether you are ready or not to share your story, there are so many amazing accounts that offer support, hope and excellent advice. Finding a community and knowing that you’re not alone is very comforting in itself. There are accounts to follow about fertility issues, MRKH, uterine transplants, surrogacy, IVF, adoption, fertility clinics and Reproductive Endocrinology Infertility Physicians ,fertility lawyers, financial aid and many more. I would highly recommend to the moms and daughters to find these accounts that suit your interests. Follow them and connect with the individuals that run them. I myself learned so much by following these accounts.. I learned how to be more supportive to Bria and I learned, for example, things you should never say to someone going through fertility struggles, as well as how to offer support for political change in the fertility world. I watched Bria’s confidence grow as she became a fierce fertility warrior and advocate - all thanks to Instagram.

5. Talk about it — always.

I will talk with anyone who wants to listen about MRKH and or Bria’s fertility journey. I can segue into this topic like a pro and pretty much every time I do, people are so touched and more importantly, they will walk away knowing what MRKH is and how it affects a woman’s path to parenthood. If a complete stranger takes the time to stop and say how cute Marley is, chances are I will also explain how special she really is and tell them her whole story.

For so many years women have been taught to hide our health issues and it’s time to stop that. We need to debunk the stigma around women’s fertility issues and normalize this conversation. We need to keep talking.

Closing Thoughts

We don’t always get to choose the path we walk in life. Having a daughter with MRKH become a mom to her own biological daughter was by no means an easy journey. If I had to pick one word to sum up my feelings, it would be gratitude. I’m so grateful that Bria was able to find strength, courage and openness along the way. I’m grateful for the support of family, friends and Bria’s husband Josh. I’m grateful that we learned how to navigate hard times together. I’m grateful for Bria and Josh’s surrogate Jenn and her family. And… I’m so grateful for our sweet granddaughter Marley. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t stare into her eyes and marvel at her being here with us.

If you’re a parent or a woman walking this path, please know you’re not alone. There is a whole supportive fertility world out there. If there’s any way I can help, please reach out.

Sincerely,

Lou Ann - Proud MRKH Mom, Proud Fertility Supporter

Labrinson@nexicom.net

@louloueyb