How to spot (and avoid) surrogacy scams in Facebook groups

Facebook can be an excellent place to learn more about surrogacy.  Whether you’re scrolling to get a sense of what your peers are saying or asking questions to others in the community, many of these groups boast hundreds or thousands of intended parents, surrogates, and those working in the surrogacy space with plenty of lived experience and professional expertise.

So…what could go wrong if you’re looking to learn from or match in these groups? The short answer is a lot. If you’re a surrogate or intended parent looking to protect yourself from scams or misinformation, here are some tips that can help you navigate the world of surrogacy Facebook groups:

Understanding group bias

Bias exists in every environment – and Facebook is no exception. The first thing to consider when learning about the bias in a Facebook group is to understand who ‘owns’ the group. To do this, you’ll want to search the group information. Once there, you’ll see a group description (which sometimes has disclosure, but often doesn’t). More importantly, you’re going to be able to see who the admin and moderators of the group are.

Start by asking this question: is the group managed exclusively by one person/individuals associated with one surrogacy business?

If the answer is yes, understand that the information about that business will likely be favorable (deservedly or not) while direct competitors may be described more negatively. In worst cases, groups can masquerade as being a safe space for the exchange of knowledge, while in reality they are owned by businesses which use them to recruit intended parents and surrogates into their paid programs.

If the answer is no, review the collection of admin and moderators. Do they make up a diverse group of professionals and non-professionals? Are some of them ‘competitors’ (for example: is more than one agency staff working together to manage this group?). If the answer is yes, you’re likely to see a more balanced approach in the group.

Now remember: bias is not inherently a bad thing. It just something to be aware of as you make your own thoughtful, well-researched decisions.

Scams by ‘surrogates’ in Facebook groups

A semi-regular occurrence in Facebook groups is the ‘fake surrogate’ scam. This is when an individual poses as a prospective surrogate, begins conversation with intended parents, and then attempts to scam them out of money.

While group admin and moderators do look out for scammers and remove them, it can be a whack-a-mole experience. As quickly as these individuals are removed, new ones appear. For this reason, you’ll need to know some ways to keep yourself safe.

If a potential surrogate from a Facebook group reaches out, you’ll want to ask yourself the following questions:

Does the profile look legitimate? If a profile is fairly new, is not a member of any groups other than surrogacy matching groups, and doesn’t have a history of photos or Facebook friends, you should consider that a red flag. Real people have a social media footprint. You should be able to find at least some information about them online.

Has this person ever posted or commented in the group before? Search them by name in the group. Have they interacted with others before by asking questions, leaving comments, or ‘liking’ posts? These can be indicators that they are a real person.

Do they sound like a real person? If you get a message out of the blue that says “Hi I am looking to be surrogate mother. Please advise if interested.” that is a classic scam message. A true potential surrogate will ask you questions about yourself or reference a matching post you’ve made. For example, they might say “I saw your post about looking for a surrogate and it’s something I’ve been considering doing. I’d love to chat and see if we would be a good fit!”. No surrogate is going to blindly offer without assessing you as a person. If the offer comes too quickly or without them learning much about you, it’s not a true offer.

Are they asking you for money? If a potential match asks you for money, walk away. There are no such things as ‘deposits’ and you should not send money while you are getting to know each other. If you are in a region that practices altruistic surrogacy, you should never send money outside of approved reimbursements outlined in your contract. If you are in a region that practices compensated surrogacy, always speak to a specialized third-party lawyer prior to sending funds. In areas with compensated surrogacy, you’ll want to use a licensed escrow or trust to for safety, to ensure proper record keeping, and to make sure you’re in keeping with local laws.

Scams by intended parents in Facebook groups

While less common than fake surrogate scams, surrogates can also be scammed in Facebook groups by intended parents. These scams look different – so it’s important for GCs to be on the lookout for bad behavior and not be too quick to trust. Here are some questions you can ask to help protect yourself.

Is this intended parent talking to any other surrogates? Matching is a difficult process, and it isn’t necessarily a red flag for intended parents to be entertaining multiple conversations – but it is a red flag if they don’t disclose it. Just as you should disclose to potential IPs if you’re getting to know others, expect that same transparency back.

What are your thoughts about tandem journeys? While not common, some IPs would consider pursuing a tandem journey (two surrogacy journeys with two surrogates at the same time) if given the opportunity. It is up to you if you are comfortable with this, but you don’t want to be blindsided by IPs who match with another surrogate while you’re pregnant. If you’re not comfortable with this, be clear with the IPs that once you’re matched, you expect them to stop looking.

Is this IP misrepresenting themselves? As you get to know the IP through chat, text, or initial video calls, they’re going to disclose information about themselves to you. Just like in any other relationship, you have to be able to trust what they’re telling you. That said, you can and should do due diligence to ensure they’re being forthcoming. Google their names and see what pops up. Look through any public social media, and if any of their social media is private ask them to ‘friend’ you. You can also ask them for a police record check of all adults living in their household. This is a common request of surrogates, but there’s no rule saying you can’t ask for one on IPs. If you’re considering carrying their baby, you should feel empowered to ask every question you want answered.

Scams by businesses

Businesses use surrogacy Facebook groups to generate client leads. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but in such a competitive landscape many will over-promise on services or misrepresent themselves. This can take several forms, but common things to be on the lookout for are:

The promise of a surrogate surplus in an agency program. If an agency is advertising having many available surrogates, there is almost always a catch. The reality of the surrogacy landscape is that there are many more intended parents than surrogates. If an agency has more surrogates than intended parents, one of two things is generally true: they are misrepresenting the truth, or they are operating in a region with compensated surrogacy and their agency fee and surrogate compensation will be incredibly expensive.

Advertising having the lowest fees. Sometimes low fees are indicative of a professional who is incredibly capable and new to the space, but other times low fees can represent cutting corners. In some cases, a low fee can ultimately be paired with other hidden fees – resulting in a higher overall cost. The bottom line: low fees are great, but be sure to ask follow-up questions when speaking with a potential provider.

Operating out of scope. Let’s be honest – there is a lot of money being spent on a surrogacy journey. Ethical professionals will know what they’re trained in and will provide services accordingly. If wouldn’t want your naturopath to perform your embryo transfer, you shouldn’t work with a fertility therapist to provide marketing services or write your intended parent profile – it’s simply out of scope. Understand the qualifications and professional expertise of each potential provider before committing to work with them.